The Good, The Ridiculous, and The Funny

By: Lourdes G. Mon

 

Featured here are Non-Filipino male spouses’ perspectives in response to questions I posted to them. The respondents are those involved in the community in support of their Filipino wives. There were two simple questions. First.- What are the Filipino ways/traits that are appealing to you? Second – What are the Filipino ways/traits you don’t appreciate or care for?

Comment No. 1: Filipinos are family-oriented, or have strong relations within the family. Indeed, this is true, to a fault. Adult children can live with their parents for as long as they want. They are hardly asked to live on their own, even if they are working and making good money, especially if they are unmarried. Married ones even with children, may also continue to live with their parents. Then, the parents become built-in babysitters, called ‘apo’stolic mission. Willingly or not, the grandparents take on this strenuous task.

I remember a story of a Filipino family when the 70+ year-old grandpa was taking care of his 4-year old grandson. The boy was stubborn and rambunctious. One day, the boy was so misbehaved that the grandpa could not longer handle him, so he yelled at boy. What do you know? The little boy, smart enough to use the telephone, called 911. With no investigations, because it was a child who called 911, upon the arrival of the police, the grandpa was handcuffed and was accused of chid-abuse. This is one of the down-side of our cultural ways, of close-knit families. I always believe that grandparents should never be obliged to babysit; once in a while is acceptable, like if parents would want to have a night-out or go to a party.

On another slant, we care for our elderly. In the Philippines, there are a few nursing homes and assisted living. However, these places go against the core of Filipino traditions. Likewise, here in America, more often than not, our aging family members will not be staring at the four walls of a nursing home, unless there are health issues that cannot be handled at home. They live with us. For example, the mother of a friend of mine lives with one of her children. The mom is 100 years old this month. She is one happy grandma, living in the comforts of home and family, enjoying the frequent visits of her grandchildren and great grandchildren.

A strong-willed friend of ours, in her eighties lives alone in her condominium by choice. However, her daughter visits her everyday to take care of chores, to do errands, as well as brings food good for a week or so. All the mother has to do is to heat her food. The daughter is on call 24/7 for her mom.

For most Filipinos here in the United States, we count our blessings and therefore are always willing to help needy extended families in the Philippines, by continually sending monetary help. Additionally, ‘balikbayan’ boxes are shipped filled with goodies, including clothes, some are used but are in excellent condition. We are always looking for sale items to fill-up the boxes. Canned goods including corned beef, ham, sausages are much appreciated. Children’s clothes and toiletries are always included.

Help may even include supporting a niece or a nephew with their college education. Fortunately, tuition and school expenses are much reasonable in the Philippines. It’s their monthly allowance and dormitory that cost the most. Nonetheless, we help because we believe in the importance of education; the only way to get out of one’s hard life.

Comment No. 2: Too many banquets. Filipinos are party-goers, fun-loving people. We work hard, and we enjoy hard. We are at parties practically every weekend, mostly fundraising for our respective clubs. Well and good. Line-dancing has been so popular so the dance floor is filled, to include the non-Filipino spouses. It is so much fun to watch them. Matter of fact, almost everyone in the world have gotten into line-dancing. The latest is South African vocalist Nomcebo Zikode’s “Jerusalema” meaning the heavenly city, my home, an upbeat disco music, had swept the world. From the basic steps of Jerusalema, many versions have evolved. Little kids, adults, seniors, professionals, people from all walks of life, including nuns and priests create their own interpretation of the dance. Filipinos are in the thick of it. Log-on to You- Tube, and you would see Filipinos even at there jobs, are all swinging like crazy.

Mr. R.S. does not miss any line-dancing music. He would be one of the first people on the dance floor. It doesn’t matter if he is the only guy. If there’s line-dancing, there is Mr. R. S., whether at a formal party or at park picnics. He is a pretty good dancer. It’s fun to watch him. Another one who surprised me was Mr. V. M. At my husband’s birthday party, a Thai dancer invited the guests to join her on the dance floor. The Thai dance is group dancing. Mr. V. M. was right there near the dancer, following her dance steps and the graceful hand movements with bent-up fingers to the beat of Thai music.

Comment No. 3: Filipinos are keen to giving time for worthy causes. Yes, we are. Think of all the Philippine natural disasters we have raised funds for. One would think that this attitude is an extension of our generosity to our families and relatives. Locally, the twelve Filipino Lions Clubs share their time, talent and treasure for humanitarian causes. Others, through their regional or alumni organizations.

In the Philippines, the top charitable organizations Filipino Chicagoans donate to are: 1) The Tuloy Foundation of Don Bosco Street Children’s Village, a world class center for the poor, abandoned, abused and neglected out-of-school children; 2) Goya de Leche which provides nutritional and medical assistance to needy Filipino mothers and children while closely monitoring their improvement; 3) Gawad Kalinga, meaning to ‘give care’, a Philippines-based movement that aims to end poverty by first restoring the dignity of the poor; and, 4) Bantay Bata, a child welfare program to protect disadvantaged and at-risk children through a nationwide network of social services.

Comment No. 4: Filipino women bickering about non-sensical things at party conversations. This is not a pleasant comment, but carries much truth to it. Though the guys don’t understand the conversation, the women’s tones and body language are a give away. A friend says, “I always try to attend my club’s meetings, otherwise I will be the topic of conversation, in a negative light.” What a shame. To add to this, the Messenger is now the worst vehicle for nasty bickering among people within a thread. I prefer not to elaborate on this comment, just presenting it as succinctly as I can.

Comment No. 5: Too many beauty pageants. What we have in our community are not beauty pageants. Yes, our parties have queens in full regalia, but not necessarily beauties. To be a queen, means producing a good number of guests, selling raffle tickets, and soliciting ads or greetings for the souvenir program book. The end result is it is a fundraising for the organization. Practically every club has a so called beauty pageant. The PIWC pageant is the biggest one. Some years, there are 12 or 14 “beauties.” What is also laughable is when past queens parade around the dance floor before the coronation. Some of them are no longer pleasant to watch. They look like clowns. I know why it’s done, in order to increase attendance of the event.

I wonder how some of those women who are recruited as beauty queens, plain-looking, could be true to themselves. The mirror doesn’t lie. It is almost an insult to those who are really beautiful, when plain-looking women, or to put it bluntly, are rather ugly stand next to them at coronation. In the early days of our community pageants, they were real, exciting beauty competitions. The participants were beauteous. The ones I knew well were three Mrs. Philippines – Lina Jonson, Luz Nunez and Lucy Morales.

Some years back, a young girl accompanied her mother to a Filipino grocery store. By the entrance was a pile of Filipino newspapers. She picked up a copy. The cover page had photos of “beauty queens.” Looking at the front page, she burst out laughing while apologizing to her mother, who gave her a stare. You can make your own conclusions.

Comment No. 6: Selfies and Facebook. Filipinos love to take selfies every five seconds. I repeat, he the responder said, “every 5 seconds” and post all of them on Facebook. Does this surprise you? It never fails at every party. Some take selfies in supposedly sexy poses, but they look tacky and ridiculous.

In conclusion, such are the various angles of Filipino life, through the eyes of non-Filipino spouses. I thank all the respondents who contributed to this month’s topic.