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Windows at Home Depot

James-DC

By: James DC

 

A woman gets a call one afternoon from Home Depot. It was the store manager.

“Miss, we have sent you notices and warnings of legal action regarding the $2400 in high effi ciency windows a year ago, and we have not received payment. If you don’t pay immediately, we will turn this matter over to our lawyers..”

She replied “You will do no such thing! In fact, you still haven’t returned my down payment, so I should sue you!”

The manager, suddenly puzzled, asked “Why should WE return the down payment on windows you bought? The agreement was 12 payments of $150 a month.”

“Because” she said “Your salesman Brett said I didn’t have to pay for them…”

“He WHAT??” and with that, there was a few minute pause while she waited on hold.

“Hi, this is Brett, I understand you think I gave you those windows?!?”

“You most certainly did, after I gave you the down payment, right before I left”

A stunned Brett said “I don’t recall every saying the windows were free, I have never told anyone that”

She stood her ground and said “Yep, as I was leaving you said “Just so you know, those windows will pay for themselves in the fi rst year”

__________

The Drunk and the Preacher

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to fi nd Jesus?”

The drunk shouts, “Yes, I am.”

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?” The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, “Have you found Jesus, brother?” The drunk answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?” The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?” __________

Snickers

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar appears before me and SNICKERS!

__________

Circumcision

A very elderly surgeon specializing in circumcision addressed his friends and colleagues at his retirement party. He got carried away and a bit emotional. He began saying “Foreskin, I mean fourscore and seven years ago I began doing circumcision exclusively. My aim was not to snip off more than was necessary but to leave the main body intact”

lol1 lol2 lol3

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