Relationship to Self (Good or Godly?)

By: Nancy Abiera

 

We can only love ourselves fully after we receive the perfect and pure love of God in Jesus.

This love overflows from God to us and to others. Nancy H. Abiera

Do you love yourself? Really? Do you care about yourself? Really? You will be surprised with how many people do not know how love or care for themselves in a good and Godly way. In this issue, we will all learn how to have a healthy and Godly relationship to self.

In all my professional and personal life experiences, I have encountered many people who do not know how to love or care about themselves. This includes myself.

Mother Theresa even said,

“The opposite of love is not hate but the absence of care.”

Many say they love God and other people but leave themselves out. The sad part of this is that many are not even aware of it. Better yet, some seem not to care for themselves. I am not talking about selfish love which is FALSE (Fake, Ambitious, Lie, Self-centered, and Egotistic). I call this “Self-created- self” or the “False-self”. On the other hand, God-centered love of self is good and Godly. It is healthy that brings edification and living in truth. What I mean here of loving self is to love the “God-created- self”. It is TRUTH (True, Restored, United, Trustworthy and Humble) because we are one with Him and connected intimately with God.

To give revelations on this issue, the following statements will give an honest view of the truth whether we really care (or love) ourselves:

Please answer Agree or Disagree to the following statements:

1. I seek approval and affirmation from others while I criticize myself.

2. I am afraid to make mistakes for fear of not being good enough.

3. I feel uncomfortable speaking up for myself due to fear of rejection.

4. I allow others opinions or ideas change mine even when I believe in my idea is the best for me and others.

5. I do good things for others while ignoring my own needs.

6. I self talk negatively of myself and others, (most often subconsciously).

7. (Example: “I’m stupid!. . . You are stupid!. . .They are stupid!. . .Why me God?”)

8. I give, give and give while not being able to receive.

9. I am unaware of myself working too much to the point of being burned-out.

10. I identify myself more by what I do than who I am. Thus, I end up becoming more of a “human doing” than “human being”. In short, I perform in order to be accepted or be part of something in order to have a sense of belonging and identity.

11. I have a hard saying “No” even if it affects me big time.

12. My self-esteem is lowly questionable. I have a hard time connecting my identity with God.

13. I am easily pushed by peer pressure at home, work, school or social places.

14. I have a hard time receiving compliments without feeling uneasy/embarrassed inside of me.

15. I love to attach titles to my name to feel good about myself.

16. I put great importance on what others will say or think about me.

If not sure, most likely you disagree. Put the point to disagree. Each item is worth one point. Add up all the points for statements you answered “Agree” and “Disagree”. This should be a total of fifteen (15) points.

Please note of the meanings of your score as follows:

Agree Score 10-15

Disagree Score 0-5

You may want to consider being more caring of yourself. You may be falling into the trap of being a “people pleaser or approval addict”.

This is a warning signal for you. Be truthful to yourself. Observe yourself. Do not get absorbed by feeding in to your insecurity and hiding behind false self. Be yourself as everybody else is taken. This is self-deception. You are only fooling yourself and others. Moreover, do not be trapped in a chameleon covering that changes and adjusts with the background. There is a danger that you may end up not knowing who you truly are. Do not be a puppet either. This is your life and not theirs. Do not let others dictate or control your life. You alone are fully responsible for your thoughts, your words spoken and your actions or behaviors.

Agree Score 5-9

You may be a little bit more sensitive of your needs yet you need to Disagree Score 6-10 be able to care more of yourself in order to serve others more effectively.

Double-check the items that you answered. Reflect the underlying reason why you agree or disagree. Reflect on what will happen if you do the reverse either way. Discern with your heart and spirit if you are being honest to your true self.

Agree Score 1-4

Disagree Score 11-14 You are making good progress of being aware of selfcare. Keep up the good work.

Continue to practice self-awareness and discern the root reasons for your response and actions. You can only change something if you know what it is that you wanted to change. Without knowing what need to change is operating clueless and going with the flow without your heart and spirit in it. However, as you become more aware, eventually, this will multiply and be fruitful to get to your target goal of being free to be yourself.

Agree Score 0.

Disagree Score 15

You have a pretty good and healthy way of relating and caring for yourself. This is very healthy and good self-care or selflove of the “God-created-self” or “True-self”.

Congratulations! You are now operating in your maximum best potential and you just have to continue practicing truth in your life and influencing others to be the same.

“Jesus said: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Matthew 22:37-39

Most people including myself were confused before. I was especially clueless in my early Christian walk. I thought initially that this verse meant to be in servitude to others. I was living like a door mat for others and letting people abuse my goodness for fear of rejection. And the worst part is — I allowed these things. I taught people how to treat me. At first, I was just not caring for myself. However, after the needless heartaches, I started not liking myself. This continued and escalated to self-accusing, self-blaming, self-condemning, and self-deception. Before I knew it, I hated myself.

Thank God, my eyes were opened to the truth. I then started to see the true me and how God sees me as the “God-created-Nancy.”

Note that in the verse, Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus was teaching on servanthood as a gift of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads us from His Spirit (what God thinks, says, and does) to our spirit (that submits to the Spirit of the Living God). There is freedom and humility involved when we are synchronized with the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, servanthood teaches us to do the example of Jesus rooted in obedience to His mandate. The Holy Spirit then renews and transforms our way of thinking aligning us more and more like Jesus. In other words, our obedience is our pure expression of our love for God producing pure love of our self and others.

On the other hand, servitude is of the flesh (what I or others think, feel and want) where control and manipulation may be rooted. Servitude is not of God’s Spirit. It brings bondage and defeat. It grieves our spirit and feeds on our flesh.

Again, the order of priority is GMO.

G. God first loving me so I can love me and others. God is the source of love.

M. Me as a vessel for God to pour out His pure love. In short, I am like a pipe connecting God with others. Me now can be used by God as a “re-source” to “out-source” His love and share to others.

O. Others become the recipient of God’s love flowing through me. It is unfortunate that many are still living in deception trying to earn God’s love and the love of others yet end up FAÇADE.

F Frustrated

A Angry

C Cruel

A Anxious

D Deceived

E Envious

Many people try so hard and yet not gain much. Trying does not work. Trusting God is what really works. This is when His love is free flowing as we open our hearts and be a recipient. We cannot be co-dependent on others relying on ourselves trying to earn His love. We need to be totally trusting of God and totally relying/dependent on Him alone.

“Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct[a] your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.” Proverbs 3:3-8

Till next article to be continued… Always choose “On A Bright Side”. I love you readers with the love of the Lord yet God loves you the most. Smile and be a blessing. . . Rev. Nancy H.Abiera