Pinoy Jokes

By: James DC

I had a dream about you. Nasa heaven daw tayo with a cute angel,
my angel was ugly, tampo ‘ko. I ask St. Peter why cute angel mo. he replied,
” Balance of Nature”.
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A husband coming home from a confession, suddenly he lifted his
wife and carried her.
Wife: Why did the priest tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No, he told me to carry my cross!
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If only I’m an angel, I’ll protect you, I’ll lend you my wings. I’ll
watch over you but I’m not an angel………… pero may hawig naman……..,’DI
BA ?!?
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With this message I would like to thank you for being such a nice
friend to me…. I really appreciate your goodness and truthfulness, especially
when you confirmed my…. CUTENESS !.
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Teacher : Use DOES and AMONG in the sentence.
Peter : AMONG the birds, only parrot DOES talk.
Teacher : Very good. Ikaw John.

John : When the cow
DOESmag na AMONG ang lubi.
__________
A girl with her friends
went to a bar.
When she read the sign
saying : BELOW 18 NOT ALLOWED
The girl said : “nge” !!!
uli na lang ta oy…. 10 ra man ta
kabuok…
__________
American and a Filipino
conversation.
American: Is that an apple
you are eating?
Filipino: Yes.
American: You know,
in States, only poor people eat an
apple.
Filipino: Oh, is that true?
Is that a banana you are
eating?
American: Yes.
Filipino: You know, in
Philippines, only monkeys eat
banana.
__________
Beauty Pageant:
Judge: What if you find
that your boyfriend has AIDS, what
will you do and why?
Contestant: I’ll still love
him..
(everybody claps)
“coz, AIDS doesn’t matter!,
thank you”.
__________
A Chinese lady can’t
speak English. At the grocery, she
wanted to buy pork leg, she showed
her legs. Next day, she needed
chicken breast, she showed her
breast. On the third day, she brought
along her husband because she
wanted sausage. What did she do?
Oh, dirty-minded!
Her husband can speak
English!!!.
__________
Teacher: Arnold, what
do you call a person who keeps on
talking even when people are no
longer interested??
Arnold: A teacher!!!
__________
Wonder girls may say,
“I want nobody, nobody
but you..”
Then, the boys will reply,
“I want your body, your
body not YOU!!!”
__________
True bravery is to arrive
home..
fully drunk from late night
out and mom waiting with a broom
in hand, then you asked:
“Hey mom, still cleaning?”
__________
Woman with a baby on a
bus..
Driver: what an ugly baby!
The mother was hurt, she
went to another seat.
The man next to her
asked, “What’s wrong?”
Woman: The driver just
insulted me.
Man: He should give you
respect! Go get his name and I.D.
number. I’ll hold your MONKEY
for you! (LOL)
__________
Boy: I love you!
Girl: shut up
Boy: I want you!
Girl: shut up
Boy: I miss you!
Girl: shut up
Boy: Will you marry me?
Girl:` Really?
Boy: shut up! Mahal
Bugas (rice is expensive)!!!