Netflix Marriage Story: What’s Fact and What’s Fiction

By: Janice Dantes

 

On the recommendation of some friends, I just watched Marriage Story on Netflix. I highly recommend it because it gives a pretty accurate characterization of the divorce process. For individuals getting divorced, it is a highly emotional journey. The key is to keep control of those emotions. For the lawyers, we are hired as your advocates and we use what you tell us to advocate for an outcome that might hurt or piss off the other side. For anyone thinking about getting divorced, it is a must-see.

Below are some of the things in the movie I want to explain more thoroughly:

1. Wasting your Lawyer’s Time will cost you more Money . When you hire a lawyer, you sign an “Engagement Agreement” and pay what is called a retainer. A retainer is money that you pay up front that the lawyer will keep in a trust account and deduct funds that you incur for your divorce. Lawyers typically bill in 6-minute increments. It is not unusual for lawyers to charge $400/hr. As Ray Liotta says in the movie, don’t waste your lawyer’s time with stupid questions. That will burn through your retainer. We lawyers are not here to prove your spouse is a cheater or treated you poorly. I don’t care about the fights you had or how heartless he or she is. The more you talk, the more I bill. If you need to talk someone about this, vent to a friend. If you have billing questions, talk to the secretary. Tell your lawyer facts. Don’t call your lawyer all the time (we hate it). Also, respond to your lawyer. If they have to email and call you multiple times to sign a document, that is all billable.

2. Lawyers Have to Prepare to go to Trial but few divorces go to trial. The vast majority of the work done is in preparation for a trial you probably will not have. In my opinion, it is almost always better to settle. Trials are incredibly costly and leaves the final decision before a judge. We use trial as a means of advancing your position by saying that based on these facts and the law, a judge will side with us. Then the other side will make some arguments. No case I have ever had is a slam dunk (that’s why we are in court). There are always good and bad facts on both sides. Try to keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex so you can try to work things out yourselves.

3. My kids have to know I fought for them. I hear this all the time. When I hear, this just means, I can’t let my ex win. It is not about the kids because kids don’t like to see their parents fight. There is only one winner in a divorce and that winner is the lawyers. Be practical, because the more you fight, the more the lawyers make. The money you should be using on your kids is going to fighting. Sometimes people are so stuck in their ways that you do have to go to court. Just make sure you listen to your lawyer. If a lawyer tells you to settle which is advice against the lawyer’s self interest, you should settle.

4. You can still have a good relationship with your ex even after you divorce. The worst thing you can do if you have kids is allow the divorce to make it impossible to co-parent. Remember that your ex does have redeeming qualities and you chose that person to have children with. That deserves a certain level of respect. I have repeat business when people are so stuck in punishing their ex that they lack flexibility in their co-parenting relationship. You can give your ex an extra day if your child fell asleep at their house and exercising your time would mean to wake your child up just so you can have him/her sleep at your house. You don’t have to hate the new boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t have to file a motion because your ex allowed grandma to pick the child up from school until he or she gets home from their overtime shift. This is life and you have to try to co-exist if you have kids. If you don’t have kids, the relationship with your ex is optional.

5. Lawyers are colleagues. Your lawyer probably knows your ex’s lawyer. Just because they seem friendly does not mean they are conspiring against you. We may work with attorneys multiple times on many divorces. The worst thing is to make that working relationship impossible. Lawyers need to work together so don’t assume because your lawyer is friendly to the other lawyer means they aren’t fighting for you.

If you are contemplating divorce, please contact me at (312) 546-5077 or janice@pinaylaw.com.