Noon vs. Ngayon

By: James DC

 

1. Noon: Long hair
Ngayon: Longing for hair
2. Noon: Enjoying Beer Joints
Ngayon: Suffering from aching Joints
3. Noon: Enjoying the music of the Rolling Stones
Ngayon: Suffering from kidney stones
4. Frequenting Beer Gardens
Ngayon: Surveying Memorial Gardens
5. Noon: Always visiting his favorite hospitality girl.
Ngayon: Always visiting his favorite hospital.
Ang buhay nga naman…. weather-weather lamang.
__________
JUAN: Birthday ng asawa ko
PEDRO: Ano regalo mo?
JUAN: Tinanong ko kung ano ang gusto nya?
PEDRO: Ano naman ang sinabi nya?
JUAN: Kahit na ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano ang binigay mo?
JUAN: BARAHA!
__________
MAID WANTED HER SALARY RAISE

Madam: Give me 3 reasons why I need to increase your salary/
Maid: I can cook better than you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me that.
Madam: OK, 2nd reason?
Maid: I can iron better than you.
Madam: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me that.
Madam: Ok, 3rd reason?
Maid: I am also better in bed than you.
This time Madam was furious and ready to break her hand.
Madam: Did my husband say that?
Maid: No, the driver told me that I’m better in bed than you.
Madam: Please lower down your voice. I WILL INCREASE YOUR SALARY.
__________
HEADLINE NEWS; Over 100 Chinese workers get dengue.
Filipino Reader: Buti pa ang mga Pinoy na lamok, lumalaban sa mga Intsik.