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Big Treat

James-DC

By: James DC

 

A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay – I didn’t even have breakfast!” The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate,’ and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.” “But I didn’t use them.” ‘Well, they are here, and you could have.” He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.”We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here.” “But I didn’t go to any of those shows..” “Well, we have them, and you could have.” No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But Madam, this check is for only $50.00” “That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me.” “But I didn’t!” “Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

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Carry Your Burdens

Husband comes home from church, greets his wife & carries her around the house. The wife is so surprised & asked smiling… Did the pastor preach about being romantic? Out of breadth the husband replies, NO, he said we must carry our burdens.

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Walmart Stall

Last night I was in Walmart using the restroom. A voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” I said, “I’m doing great.” Then the other person said, “So what are you up to?” I said, “Ummm…. just trying to handle a little private business here!” Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Actually getting annoyed… So I said “Excuse me?!” Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!!!!

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Once is enough.

Twice is too much. Offi cer: What has caused you to come here?

Complainant: I’m here to complain about my pay. My salary is $2,500 but I only received $2,300 this month.

Offi cer: Is it because last month you were paid $2,700 by mistake? Why didn’t you complain the previous month when you got $200 extra?

Complainant: Well, I usually forgive the fi rst mistake. But when you make the second one, I do not tolerate.

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LIE VS TRUTH

“The Lie said to the Truth, “Let’s take a bath together, the well water is very nice.

The Truth, still suspicious, tested the water and found out it really was nice. So they got naked and bathed.

But, suddenly, the Lie leapt out of the water and fl ed, wearing the clothes of the Truth.

The Truth, furious, climbed out of the well to get her clothes back.

But the World, upon seeing the naked Truth, looked away, with anger and contempt.

Poor Truth returned to the well and disappeared forever, hiding her shame.

Since then, the Lie runs around the world, dressed as the Truth, and society is very happy.

Because the world has no desire to know the naked Truth.”

lol1

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