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Lock-up vs. Lock-down

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By: James DC

 

LOCK-UP VS.
LOCK-DOWN
Finally, I have understood the difference between
Lock-Up and Lock-Down.
Lock-up is STAY IN POLICE CUSTODY; Lock-down
is STAY IN WIFE’S CUSTODY.
Lock-up is bailable; Lock-down is non-bailable.
__________
STEALING
American: In the US, stealing is against the law, you will be jailed.
British: In the UK, foreigners who are caught stealing are deported.
Saudi Arabian: Do not steal or your hand will be cut off.

Japanese: Stealing is dishonor to family, we make Harakiri.
Chinese: If caught stealing you face firing squad.
Filipino: Stealing is FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY.
__________
FRENCH LESSON IN PINOY
Cough: O Vou
Ashes: A Vou
Car: Re Vou
Balloon: Lo Vou
Drugs: Sha Vou
Goodbye: Va Vou
Cute: A Cou!
__________
IN MY CLASS
Teacher: In my class, I don’t want to hear you speaking Tagalog, Is that clear?
Student: Yes, Maam.
Teacher: Let me know your anme first. What’s your name?
Student: My name is Earlyseven Strikeland Neverbroke.
Teacher: Wow! Are your Fil-Am?
Student: No Ma’am.
It’s the English term for my real
name. AGAPITO HAMPASLUPA DIMAGIBA.
__________
LOLO
Juan: Lolo, kumain ho kayo kahit dalawang kutsara lang.
Lolo: Sira ulo ka pala eh, lugaw nga di ko malunok, KUTSARA pa kaya!
__________
TEACHER AT JUAN
Juan nakasalubong yung teacher
Teacher: Juan, hindi kita nakita sa klase ko ah!
Juan: Ikaw din naman hindi kita nakita!
__________
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” he cried.
The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard,” he says. “She got into the back-seat by mistake.”
__________
An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked ifshe was OK and he smiled and said that it’s really no big deal becaue she carries her old pure to put her dog;s poop in
it until she gets home to dispose of it.

lol1

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