4 Mexicans on a Rowboat

By: James DC

 

The Captain gets on the loud-speaker and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?” One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the U.S. during the 1800’s.” The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.

When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-speaker and asks, “Just the four of you?” The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The other 12 million are already there!” Nobody on the destroyer laughed. ****

WHY I MOW MY OWN YARD

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?” Lee responded, “Yes Ma’am, I do.”

The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”

Lee said, “Well, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her.”

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

THREE WISHES FROMA GENIE

The pastoral associate, the associate pastor, and the pastor are taking a shortcut to a meeting. As they walk through a vacant lot, the trio stumbles on an ancient oil lamp. On a lark they rub it, and to their amazement a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The pastoral associate cries out, “I want to be on an island paradise, lolling in the sun without a care!” The genie waves his hand and she disappears in a puff of smoke. The associate pastor jumps up and says, “I want to be walking through the halls of the Vatican, marveling at all the artwork and never have to go to another meeting as long as I live.” He too disappears. Scowling, the pastor says to the genie,” I want those two back in time for the meeting.” *****

THE FENCE TEST – WHICH SIDE ARE YOU?

You can’t get any more accurate than this! This is straightforward country thinking. (by Jeff Foxworthy_ If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Democrat demands that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended.”