Tiger in Ireland

By: James DC

 

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are they for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Feckin Hell”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!
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Benefits Of A Good Vocabulary!
My husband recently called an old engineering buddy of his and asked what he was working on these days.
He replied that he was working on “aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment.”
He was impressed — until he learned that his buddy was actually just washing dishes with hot water under his wife’s supervision.
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Sitting on the highway, waiting to catch speeders, a state trooper noticed a car slowly puttering along at just 22 MPH.
He thought, “That’s just as dangerous as speeding!”
So, he flipped on the lights and pulled the car over.
Inside were six elderly ladies — two in front, two in the middle, two in the back — all wide-eyed like they’d just seen a ghost.
The driver said, “Officer, I don’t understand. I wasn’t speeding. What’s the problem?”
He replied, “Ma’am, driving too slow can be just as dangerous as speeding.”
The woman, very matter- of-factly, said, “But I was going exactly 22 miles an hour!”
Trying not to laugh, the officer explained, “That’s not the speed limit, ma’am — that’s the route number.”
Her face turned red with embarrassment. “Thank you, officer!”
she chuckled.
As he turned to leave, the officer glanced at the other ladies — still pale and silent — and asked, “Are they okay?”
She smiled and said, “Oh, they’ll be fine in a minute, Officer. We just got off Route
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