Man & Woman

By: James Dc

 

Man receives telegram: Wife dead–should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
——-
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
—–
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
——–
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go through hell for her.
They got married and now he is going thru hell.
——-
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
——-
Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!
*****

WINE TASTER In a winery the regular taster died so the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away and finally settled on giving him a try-out, so to speak. They gave him a glass …… he tried it and said, “It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.”

That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass……. “It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels.”

“Correct.” The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of her urine. The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who the father is!” *****

This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience)Would you like your eggs…
fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don’t have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don’t have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or monay?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis….

LOL Dancers Dave, Karla, Melody & Robert.

James. Robert, James, David