Funny or Not, Be the Judge!

By: Lourdes G. Mon

 

All diversities of personality, character, disposition, or behavior make the world go round. In this issue, I am show-casing a person, who I think is unique by herself. Yes, this is an honest-to-goodness real person.

For the purpose of making her identity anonymous, I’ll call her Charity. Her demeanor is completely serious but to me, is hysterically funny without her realizing it….a masterpiece, a classic, a one-of-a-kind. Some acquaintances describe her to be eccentric. So, be the judge. I had a good laugh writing this article.

In the Philippines, Charity resided in a condominium in Metro Manila, and her mother naturally stayed with her during her ‘balikbayan’ vacations. One day, while Charity was at work, Mom decided to do some light housework, including wiping the Venetian blinds full of dust, not to Charity’s fault. The building is close to all dust-producing causes, including the constant runs of public transportations. Mom cleaned the blinds, resulting to a bright sunlit condo. Indeed, the inside of the condominium looked clearer and brighter. Lo and behold, when Charity got home at the end of the day, she noticed the clean blinds. Wow! Do you think she was happy and thanked her Mom? Nope. Instead, she was enraged. Seriously, she did not like it at all. She screamed at her Mom, “Put back the dust on the blinds.” Much aware of her daughter’s characteristics, Mom could only laugh at Charity’s ridiculous and impossible demand.

Charity made a pretty good living, with a management position at Philippine Air Lines in Manila. She did not take public transportation. She drove her own car to work, privileged to have her own designated parking spot. In addition, she trusted one honest and reliable mechanic at PAL, who fixed cars, as a side job. For years, the mechanic kept Charity’s car in perfect condition. No worries. Then, one day, the mechanic was being transferred to another location. Naturally, he told Charity of the change, but also said, he had someone to replace him; another company mechanic, and guaranteed, his replacement will maintain her car with care. Do you think Charity was content with the recommendation? She did not like it at all. Guess what she did. She sold her car.

Still at PAL, here’s a Q&A with a new employee, we will call Maria. Unbeknownst to Charity, Maria has been observing Charity’s outfits. Nothing wrong with Charity’s clothes. Matter of fact, she is always professionally and impeccably dressed. Maybe it’s curiosity or more of nosiness that prodded Maria to approach Charity and sheepishly asked, “Ma’am, I notice that you wear the same color hue each week, for example, if blue, you wear different shades of blue for the entire week. Why is that?” Charity looked Maria in the eye, responding matter-of-factly, “Look, I am answering you for the first and the last time. I wash my clothes in a washing machine, I don’t mix colors. So, if they are all color blue, and one piece bleeds and affects the rest of the wash, they will still all come out blue. You got it? Maria nodded and quietly went back to her cubicle.

Nowadays, Charity lives with her oldest sister here in Chicago. Being a retiree, she does almost all of the household chores. However, shopping is not Charity’s cup-of-tea. Therefore, her sister does all the grocery shopping, always with a list in hand. Charity is very particular and precise about what needs to be bought, no more, no less. One time, on the list was TWO pieces of bittermelon. The sister got so excited that the bittermelons looked very fresh and on sale, she doubled buying four pieces. When she got home, she was not just scolded by her younger sister, but Charity threw the extra bittermelons in the garbage can. Her sister can only shake her head.

Here’s the kicker. Have you ever heard of someone telling her older sister, who is a nurse, that coming from work she has to remove all her clothes directly in the laundry room before getting comfortable around the house? Charity is afraid of her sister bringing home all the germs or viruses she can possibly get from the hospital, including Covid. Ms. Nurse also has to shower immediately. What’s so astonishing and funny about the entire situation is that this professional nurse is treated like an irresponsible, simple-minded kid. To top it all, Ms. Nurse is the owner of the house.

Again, I say to the readers, funny or not, be the judge.

(Believe it or not, I have met Charity, and my chance meetings with her were completely the opposite. She was friendly and conversant with me. Her sister could not believe her eyes.)