My Take On Dementia

By: Melody Dizon

 

Perhaps the most challenging yet for a writer is to expose her vulnerability in print. Though, over the course of time, I may have given Via Times’ Melody Unchained followers’ tips, infos, things to watch out for, when to do this and that, what is this versus that, but nothing will ever prepare you even if you’ve read, treated, seen and dealt with these firsthand when it comes to your own family.

I was faced with a family member having to go through a very challenging health drawback. I’m talking about Dementia. Dementia is senility, or what we call old-age syndrome. There can be many reasons for dementia. But given what it is, it was still way too early for a family member of mine to get stricken. Inasmuch as it was very painful to watch each and every day, I had to muster the courage, the strength, the ability to tackle this systematically.

I had to switch myself from being a family member to a nurse. I told myself this is what I know how to do, this is what I’ve been trained to do, and this is how I will deal with this head-on. Not to say I don’t feel helpless, at a loss of words, weak, vulnerable, in tears every morning, but the mere thought that this person in front of me needed me to be how she thought of me to be, I had to be one. I was telling her funny stories so she could smile, I related to her whenever she gets scared, I give situations upon situations what I did, what she did, and that she was way better than me, and encouraged the many little victories she made. Every little step was a very, very big step for her. I relied so much on the support of family. And it came a point in time that if I needed to reach out to her very close friends, I’d put myself in their shoes, and that if it were to happen to them I’d be the very first one to get disappointed why I wasn’t informed.

My family member kept reminding me how embarrassing it is to forget and not remember things and to have other people know about it. I prayed and I prayed, because sometimes even with the greatest intention, information like these can be a deal-breaker. But in contrary, all her very close friends were very compassionate towards her, even more so when I included them in her care. Then I noticed that pieces were falling into its place. Suddenly, I’d accidentally meet her good friend out of nowhere, like I was supposed to meet her. A couple of people who rarely check their private message account through a social media happens to check messages that one time when I sent them one. I felt I was led to that direction . Lo and behold , the few shocks that I get in my life happened right in front of me.

This family member of mine, in a snap, changed her demeanor towards her best friend and was slowly responding to her and started remembering things in her past. Now, I know that with Dementia, there will be good days and bad days, but the change right in front of me was one of the assurances along the way that familiarity, family, friends, communication, interaction are so very important. The fear of losing someone to dementia because of Alzheimer’s was a thought too daunting to even decipher. You say, no not me! But yet, fate tells you, yes, it’s you this time.

I cling to the hope that the sounds, the faces of the people she once knew, the places she’s been, would spark a light in her. I had to instruct caregiver what to watch out for, what to do, when to call MD, or bring her to the hospital, importance of hygiene, taking medications as prescribed, not be irritated with her frequent questioning. And, when the time came for me to leave and head back to my own immediate family, I leave with an ache in my heart but yet with a sense of peace inside knowing that her current treatment plan for now is working.

My dearest mother is recognizing more and more the people around her. I see sparkle in her eyes, I hear laughter in her voice and I know it won’t be long that I will see her dance again. After all, it’s always been about family, the people you care the most. You drop every possible thing because at the end of the day, when all else is said and done, it’s you, your mind, your heart, your intentions and your God. I have such high regards to caregivers who give so much of their time, patience and effort caring for the elderly with Dementia. Saludo Po ako Sa inyo. Hanggang Sa muli.

Do not ask me to remember
Don’t try to make me understand
Let me rest and know you’re with me
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand
I’m confused beyond your concept
I am sad and sick and lost
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost
Do not lose your patience with me
Do not scold or curse or cry
I can’t help the way I’m acting
Can’t be different though I try
Just remember that I need you
That the best of me is gone
Please don’t fail to stand beside me
Love me ’til my life is done

(By: Owen Darnell)