Nakakatawa Pinoy Jokes

By: James DC

A guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, “Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” She looks at him a few seconds and says, “That’s all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 204. ***

Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?

Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and I heard “GLUE STICK ”

Father : God bless you, son !!

***

Just Before Hanging, Judge Asked

The Prisoner: “Any Last Wish?”

Prisoner: Yes.. I Want To Update My Facebook Status As “DEAD” ***

She had a Coca-Cola body too bad it was the 2-Liter version.

***

Wife: Honey, I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear!

Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio …hahahhahaa

***

A Chinese lady can’t speak English At the grocery she wanted to buy beef leg, she showed her legs, Next day she needed chicken breast, she showed her breast. 3rd day she brought along her husband because she wanted sausage. What did she do? Dirty minded! Her husband can speak english…

***

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide, use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.

***

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”!

***

Idiot guy on phone: Doctor, my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? Idiot guy: No this is her husband speaking.

***

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it during dinner.

DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?

SON: At school. Robot slaps son!

SON: Ok, I lied, I went to the movies.

DAD: Which one?

SON: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again!

SON: Ok, it was porn.

DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn’t even know what porn was. Robot slaps Dad!

MOM: Forgive him, dear, after all he’s your son. Robot slaps mom!

***

A man carrying six babies in a train. A lady sitting next to him asked,”are these your babies? “No, I’m a condom salesman & these are Customer Complaints..

***

Daughter: Mom,my boyfriend doesn’t believe in heaven and hell.

Mom: Alright.

. You marry your bf and let him experience heaven in you. . I’ll take care of the hell part.

***

Reporter: Any similarities between Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio and Ninoy Aquino?

Erap: All I know is that they all died during a holiday! That’s all I know…