Fight. . . Flight. . . Freeze. . . = FEAR or FAITH – Healthy Ways Dealing with Conflict

By: Nancy Abiera

 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

We live in a very fragile society where people are bombarded with conflicts; be it at home, workplace, church, government or other social arenas. We see fights on TV, news prints, social media, etc. Conflicts arise due to differences in ABOVE (Aspirations, Beliefs, Opinions, Values and Expressions). Moreover, conflicts are sometimes caused by oppositions due to DEEP (Division, Exaggeration, Expectation, and Predisposition).

There are many different ways people deal with conflict. One is to FIGHT aggressively by engaging in a battle. Two is to respond in FLIGHT passively by running away and avoid all costs. Three is to FREEZE in paralysis and do nothing. All these three responses end in a “win-lose” or “lose-lose” approaches. They are all rooted in ungodly/unhealthy FEAR. The last one is to respond in FAITH that all things will work together for good for all parties involved. This results in a “win-win” situation.

Unfortunately, most people view conflict as negative. Yes and No. Conflicts may be bad especially when handled negatively by responding in FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE. This is because of subconscious or hidden fear. However, the outcome becomes beneficial when we operate in good faith. This response changes our perception that the good if not the best may possibly come out. Conflicts are healthy and beneficial because of the following:

A Allows us to bring out our uniqueness. This helps us be aware and know ourselves and others.

B Birth new ideas. Many inventions/discoveries arose due to conflicts bringing something new.

C Creates opportunity for growth in relationships. Conflicts promote us to new levels of intimacy.

D Diversity is enhanced. It adds spice and colors to differing situations.

E Emotions can be expressed. This is healthy physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

F Flexibility is encouraged. We learn new patterns of attitudes, behaviors, changes and strategies.

G Grant us some other solutions to potential problems. We become more solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented.

H Helps us to set boundaries for protection. This is healthy in relationships.

I Inspires us to improve communication bonding us more intimately with one another.

J Justice is served when both parties collaborate with each other.

The question now is how to respond in FAITH when conflict arises. Faith, as I define it, is not the absence of fear. Faith is facing conflict positively in spite of fear.

I would like to use two acronyms with conflicting definition/ meaning of fear:

Negative definition of FEAR

F Fail

E Everything

A And

R Retreat

Positive meaning of FEAR

F Face

E Everything

A And

R Rise-up

On the other hand, I would like to define FAITH and CONFLICTS using the following acronyms:

F Faithfulness

A Altogether

I Instigating

T Truth

H Honorably

C Collaborating

O Objectively

N Not

F Fearing

L Loads of

I Intimidation

C Cooperating

T Together

S Successfully

On a practical note, we can respond in faith when conflicts arise. These are described below.

1. Attack the problem or issue not the person. Avoid the ABC (Accuse, Blame and Condemn).

2. Be open-minded. Just like an umbrella, it is only useful when opened.

3. Care to listen objectively with your heart. Heartto- heart talk most often leads to reconciliation. Be silent when the other party is talking. Note that the words SILENT and LISTEN use the same letters.

4. Discern truth. When we abide in the truth and the truth abides in us, it brings freedom and victory for both parties.

5. Edify each other by using encouraging words to build up not tear down. In other words, we need to BUILD and not BURN bridges.

6. Forgive one another. Majority of negative conflicts are rooted in BURN (Bitterness, Unforgiveness, Resentment and Negativity).

7. Give and take turns in expressing views. I learned in Scriptures that when a fool is silent, he is considered wise.

8. Help each other. If you cannot help others, do not hurt them.

9. Initiate reconciliation and healing that brings unity and community.

Fear brings TOMB (Torment, Ornery, Misery and Bondage) while faith brings HEALTH (Healing, Encouragement, Affirmation, Love, Truth and Honor). Living in fear is like living in the tomb — practicing hell on earth. On the other hand, living in faith is like living in health and prosperity — practicing heaven on earth. Let me encourage you all to Dance with gusto. . .

Sing with all your heart and soul. . .

Release all the hurts and pain of the past. . .

Forgive the people and forget the ugly memories of yesterday. . .

Love unconditionally including your enemies. . .

Be at peace with God, yourself and others. . . Give yourself the gift of faith today. . .

Choose life full of faith and blessings now and forever. . .

Amen. Always choose “On A Bright Side”. Happy Mother’s Days and Happy Father’s Day. I love you readers with the love of the Lord, yet the Lord loves you the most. Smile and be a blessing. . .##