By: James DC
A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the fl oor of
the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was “OCCUPIED”.
The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.
The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”.
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let
his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the fi rst button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom.
He thought, “WOW, the women really have it made!”.
Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters.
He thought that was out of this world! The button marked “PP” yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.
Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”.
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.
When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me?!
The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!”
The nurse replied, “Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the ‘ATR’ button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover…
Your penis is under your pillow!”
Two Boys at Pharmacy
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you’ ‘Eight’, the boy replied.
The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for’ The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me.
They’re for him. He’s my brother.
“Oh, really” the pharmacist replied with a grin.
“Yes.” the boy said. “We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do none of those.”
An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Irishman were talking about screams of passion.
The Italian said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the fi nest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop, for fi ve minutes.”
The Frenchman said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fi fteen minutes.”
The Irishman said: That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, “Two full hours? …….wow! That’s phenomenal.
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?”
The Irishman replied, I wiped my hands on the curtains.”
A woman in her 50s was driving with a friend. She went through a red light. The friend didn’t say anything. But then she went through another one. The friend said, “Do you realize you just went through two red lights?”
“Oh,” she said, “was I driving?”
An Atheist and a Cowboy
An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk
“Oh, I don’t know,”
said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay,” he said.
“Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question fi rst. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a fl at patty, but a horse produces clumps.
Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualifi ed to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when
you don’t know crap?”