VIA Times – September 2014 Issue Vital News, Vibrant VIews for Asian Americans in Chicago & Midwest
By: Maria Victoria A. Grageda-Smith
Copyright 2012 by Victoria G. Smith
I didn’t know you, nor you, me;
yet I’m inexplicably drawn to you
by this feeling of losing you.
You could have been my son.
And so I, too, grieve.
Forgive us for not being there
when you needed a friend.
Forgive us for having been elsewhere
when you bid us goodbye.
And so I, too, say goodbye.
How strange to be saying goodbye
to a stranger—I wish we weren’t.
Could there have been something
I could have said, could have done?
And so I, too, regret.
Truth is, Carson, none of us could have
been good enough, big enough.
We carried our burdens close to our chests,
and there was no room for more.
And so I, too, confess:
I’m not strong, although I wish I were.
I’m not brave, although I wish I were.
I’m not your mother, although I feel I am.
I’m not your keeper—no one is.
Only we are our own keepers, but you weren’t meant
to know this until you were strong enough to know it.
We keep such secrets deep in our hearts,
you know, and we know it.
This is our tragedy:
To speak, when it’s too late.
To act, when it’s too late.
To understand, when it’s too late.
To love, when it’s too late.
Poet’s Notes: September marks a settling down into the new school year. For many, it’s an exciting time. My son is on his last year of high school—a milestone year. But for others, it may be different. I pray this is a peaceful and joyful school year for all of us! I wrote above poem as my way of mourning the suicide of several high school students in our community a couple of years ago. My son even knew some of them. And now recently, we’ve had to bear our collective loss of Robin Williams. For some people, words aren’t enough to convey that kind of grief. For me, I turn to words to cope with it. Until I could expel the demon of sorrow in my gut by exposing it to the light through my words, it does not cease to haunt me. This is this my personal ritual of exorcism. Parents, elders, mentors and friends of young and older people, alike: Stay aware. Persist in caring. Do your best to help.
