Senior Wedding at the Villages in Florida

By: James DC

 

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mariam, age 89), living in The Villages’ in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore and they decide go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.” Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Defi nitely.”
Jacob: “How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “Adult diapers?”
Pharmacist: “Sure, how can I help you?
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”
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God Orders

“A very poor woman called a radio station asking for help from God. A non-believer who was also listening to this radio program decided to make fun of the woman. He got the woman’s address from the radio station and told his secretary to carry a large amount of foodstuff to the woman. However, he gave the following instruction, “When the woman asks who sent the food, tell her that it’s from the devil.”

When the secretary arrived at the woman’s house, the woman was happy and grateful for the help received. She started putting the food packets inside her small house. The secretary then asked her, ”Don’t you want to know who sent the food?”

The woman replied, ”No, I don’t care because when GOD orders, even the DEVIL obeys!

__________

DEA Inspector

A DEA offi cer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”

I said “Okay, but don’t go in that fi eld over there.”

The DEA offi cer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant offi cer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA offi cer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the offi cer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The offi cer was clearly terrifi ed.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs

“Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”

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#Shots

I can’t wait until the 5th wave when the people with 4 shots are blaming it on the people with 3 shots.

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All Alone

I stick to my diet,sleeps early, no alcohol, no sugary foods, and reach the age of 100. Look at me now, all alone;my peer’s gone!