Itay!

By: Pureza Ramiro Pacis

 

(Ang nakaraang yugto, (” Run, Leila, Run” – VIA Times, March issue ) Di kami nadala ni Daddy ng mag-migrate siya sa US. Kinalinga ako ni Mommy, single mom. Past forward, nakasali ako sa aming Con – gregation Choir papuntang San Francisco. Sa pag-bonding namin ni Dad, nagpakita siya ng di kanais- nais na pagnanasa sa akin.)

Dear Tita Eza:

Natakot ako kay Daddy,Tita Eza, kaya pansamantalang doon muna ako tumira kina Uncle at Auntie sa Daly City. Awang- awa ang Auntie sa akin; sabi naman ni Uncle, siguro dala lang na si Dad ay umiinom paminsan-minsan. Naalaala ko nga ang labas-pasok niya noon sa kuarto sa pagkuha niya ng album para ipakita sa akin; marami palang boteng nakahelera doon sa loob ng kanyang kwarto.

Hiya nga ako kina Uncle at Auntie na ako ang dahilan ng di nila pagkaintindihang mag-asawa. Nakarating sa church ang problem ko, kinuha ako na bukod sa soloist ng choir, ginawa pa ako na assistant matron sa dorm, pansamantala lamang. In fact, binabalak pa nilang i-file ang petition para sa aking work permit.

Ayaw na ni Auntieng pumunta ako ke Daddy sa Hale St, Nagkasakit si Daddy, COPD, na-confine siya sa SanFo General Hospital. Pag-uwi sa bahay, per recommendation ng Government Social Worker, si Miss Ramos, dapat ay 24/7 ang mag-aalaga sa kanya. Ang condition ng caregiver na nakuha, dala ang asawa niya (palibhasa, newlyweds), libre rent at (doon sila sa vacant room), at magbabayad lang sila ng utility bills.

Ayos sana, but after four months, lumala ang COPD ni Dad. Dinala uli sa ospital, tapos sa Laguna Hospice sa Laguna Blvd, SnFo. A week later, tumawag ang Hospice Social Worker Tom, nagyayaya for a family conference, kasama si Uncle, si Auntie, ang mag-asawang caregivers (nagbabantay ke Dad sa Room 310), at ang dalawa kong kapatid, na noon ko pa lang makikita.

Sa meeting, attended by concerned personnel — medical, administrative, housekeeping, at religious, pagkatapos ko silang pinasalamatan lahat for their efforts, binasa ni Social Worker Tom, presiding, ang kanyang running records before Dad went comatose.

“#1. DNR. (Do not resuscitate.) Please just let me go.

#2.Kuya (Uncle) at Ate (Auntie with the help of my caregivers, please look for the following in my steel cabinet:

a) ang envelope containing $5000 for my wake at Cypress Memorial Home, funeral sa Holy Cross Cemetery, and a Buffet later at Moon Restaurant, to thank the guests;

b) a Deed of Donation,- dated 2010, duly notarized by the Chief Legal Officer sa San Francisco City Hall, bequeathing my residence at Hale St.( a room each) to my three kids;

c) a Bank Account with West Bank, to be divided by three, so Leila can finish her Pharma – cy course. Seek help from my Boarder at the basement, working at West Bank.

Ask him, likewise, if he wants to buy the house, as he has always been telling me.”

Nang tumuloy kami sa Room 310, sabi ng Chaplain, ” If there is anything you would like to tell your Dad, do it now. The sense of hearing is the last to go. Lumapit ako sa kanya, at sumabog ang sampung toneladang bigat ng aking dibdib, at bulong ko sa kanya,”Itay….!”

Gumagalang, Leila

—-

Dear Leila:

I know how you feel. Unwanted sexual contact/aggression from a family member can have a lasting effect on the survivor.

Kahit sabihin natin na buti’t hindi natuloy, napakasakit pa rin isipin.

“In the darkest caves, you will find the gold,” says a Spanish proverb. Sa Deed of Donation ng Itay mo, dated ten years ago, at sa kanyang last will and testament, nagsisisi rin siya, for all you know. This may still go through a lot of process; you can take it up from there. You did not ask for it; it is a manna from heaven, a favor from above.Eto lang ang masasabi ko ,makakamtan mo lang kung lubos-lubos ang iyong pagpapatawad.

” To forgive is to set a person free and realize that the person was you.”

Happy Easter,

Tita Eza

—— Back in the Philippines, Pureza Ramiro Pacis used to be an elementary grades teacher, high school teacher, social worker rolled into one. A U.P. ABSW ’61 graduate,she retired as Asst. Regional Director of DSWD Region I, SFLU. Both from Vintar, Ilocos Norte, she and husband Nick have since been residing in Bartlett, Illinois for the past ten years now.