Anger

By: Nancy Abiera

 

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.’ James 1:19-20:

In the real world we live in, I believe there is so much wasted energy for angry emotions. I guess, the reason for this is because we do the reverse of the truth and live a life based on lies. Thus, we are so slow to listen and many times would not even listen at all. We are so quick to speak; and even at times more quick to become angry. I must conclude there has to be good reasons why God created two ears that remain open all the time with one mouth that we can choose to open and close. That is to hear more and speak less so we prevent getting angry and getting in trouble.

Note that anger is one letter short of “Danger and Hanger”. When anger takes over, it brings danger to both parties involved. Worst, anger can push both of them to hook each other in a hanger. Anger is a very powerful/popular emotion. No one is exempt from it even I myself. However, anger is only a secondary emotion. Underneath anger are negative feelings such as:

S Stress & Sadness

E Envy & Jealousy

L Love-hunger,

Loneliness & Losing Control

F Fear & Frustrations

I Insecurity & Feelings of being Ignored/Invalidated

S Shame & Guilt

H Hurt & Pain

Angry people are S.E.L.F.I.S.H. as defined by the above acronym. When one is angry, it exposes his or her vulnerability. It makes one feel out of control. The Bible teaches us: “Be angry and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). Without God, this is very difficult. Better yet, impossible. Such kind of emotion is called righteous anger based on truth. True anger reacts to what is actual sin; focuses not on personal offense but on the offense against God, and then it expresses itself in ways consistent with Christian principles and character.

Most often, we are guilty of the bad and destructive anger because of other hidden feelings we are trying to protect. These unresolved suppressed/repressed feelings rooted in childhood. We may be neglected by our parents as children so love hunger produced anger that we still carry to adulthood. Some of this anger even goes with them to their graves.

I visited my friend, Charlotte. She was so sick of heart/kidney failure in the hospital. She was sharing with me how angry she was against her brothers. Every time she gets triggered, she became a totally different person. She looks scary and ugly when angry. I suggested to her to release the hurts and forgive them so she can heal. She refused and said, “Over my dead body!”. I further advised her to just start with some baby steps. I instructed her to repeat after me. So I said: “I F U.” She repeated after me and said “I F U”. Immediately, I changed the meaning to “I Forgive You.” LOL. She laughed so hard that she felt so much better. A few months later, she died. I was sad, yet I thank God that she was to let go of excess baggage of anger before she breathe her last breath.

Another story was when a friend, Ray, called me for an advice. He found out his wife was having an affair. This is what he vented, “Pastor Nancy, I am so angry that I am thinking about dropping explosives in my wife’s boyfriend’s house.” I immediately said: “Hold on, don’t be destructive like bombing Hiroshima. Be creative and create Hawaii.” LOL. Ray almost choked as he could not control his laughter.

We can exchange anger to laughter. We sometimes cannot control anger but we can manage it by changing the way we think, speak and act. The following are some of golden nugget dangers for you to think about anger:

1. Anger raises our blood pressure leading to hypertension and many other illnesses.

2. Anger causes wrinkles and can make one look ugly and scary (some have evil or look demonic when angry).

3. Anger pushes people away which eventually destroy personal/business/church relationships.

4. Anger can consume almost all the letters in the Alphabet: Anger to Bitterness, Condemnation, Deception, Envy, Fear, Guilt, Hurt, Insecurity; Jealousy; Kill, Loneliness, Malicious, Negative, Ornery, Pain, Quarrelsome, Resentment, Stress, Trauma, Ugly, Vice, Weariness, Xanthippe ( An ill-tempered woman), Yelling, Zero.

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison, hoping the other person to die.” Anonymous In addition, the following are some of the healthier ways to deal with anger.

1. Listen. Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. LISTEN and SILENT use the same exact letters in different positions. Obviously, if we are not silent, we are not tuneD in to the listen mode.

2. Vent. Let your feelings out by talking to the person you are mad about. If you do not talk it out, you will act it out. Cool down and express your feelings without attacking. For example, start with the phrase,: “I feel angry when I feel invalidated or ignored or not listened to.”. versus “You don’t listen, you fool!” Attack the problem not the person.

3. Release. Let go of the pain and hurts to heal. Avoid taking revenge or getting even. You will. Ever be able to move on unless you let go and let God.

4. Confess. Tell the Lord how you felt and cast/throw them out, meaning throw them away. It is garbage anyway that you would not want to keep.

5. Forgive. Forgive yourself and the person that made you angry. Then you can move on. Jesus said: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, pray for those who persecute you …!

Always choose “On A Bright Side”. Happy Valentine’s Day to all!. Make love not war. I love you readers with the love of the Lord yet God loves you the most. Smile and be a blessing… Rev. Nancy H. Abiera?