What Makes A Marriage Last

By: Edward Cortez

 

Phil Donahue and his wife, Marlo Thomas, co-wrote a book in 2000 and titled it, “What Makes A Marriage Last.” The book was the result of interviewing forty celebrated couples who shared their secrets to a happy married life. They conducted conversations with forty famous couples – from award-winning actors, athletes, and newsmakers to writers, musicians, and a former U.S. president and First Lady. For the sake of brevity in this article, I would like to glean from two couples out of their book:

President Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter, and Capt. Chesley “Sully,” a hero pilot, and Lorie Sullenberger. President Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter had been married for 77 years before Rosalyn passed away last year. Their marriage was the longest in presidential history. At 77 years, the Carter marriage lasted longer than the lifespans of more than half of all U.S. presidents. How did the two of them manage to have such a long and enduring marriage? Jimmy was quoted in the book as saying, “We decided long ago to make sure we never go to sleep in the same bed angry with each other. We have a lot of arguments during the day, but we made up our minds that we would try to reconcile at night.” That’s the power of two forgiving people in a marriage relationship. Someone has said that a successful marriage is the union of two forgivers.

Both Jimmy and Rosalyn also learned the importance of giving each other breathing rooms. The authors of the book observed during the interview that it was very evident that they were very, very connected. They added that part of that bond comes by way of their faith: they are deeply Christian. “We read the Bible together every night,” President Carter revealed, “and we have done that for fifty years.” A strong faith in God and his words matter in any marriage. It is that one sure foundation that will enable couples to overcome the challenges of marriage and life in general.

The date was January 15, 2009, when a flock of Canada geese slammed into both engines of US Airways Flight 1549 that crippled the aircraft 3,000 feet in the air. The pilot, Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, made the quick decision to use gravity for forward motion. Unable to return to LaGuardia airport, he glided the lifeless jet onto the surface of the frigid waters of the Hudson River. All 155 passengers survived and were rescued. It is now known as the “Miracle on the Hudson.” It was an iconic, uplifting moment in aviation history.

Chesley Sullenberger or “Sully” was hailed as a hero. He became a media sensation overnight, invited to many speaking engagements all over the world, and given many awards and recognitions. But what many didn’t know was that he suffered from a type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder arising from the near-fatal event. He was not able to return home to San Francisco for two-and-a-half days after the traumatic event. When he finally got home, his wife was shocked upon seeing him. “I was stunned,” said his wife, Lorrie, “Sully lost thirteen pounds and had barely slept. His eyes were really dark and sunken, and he was gaunt like something was really wrong.” He became aloof from his wife. He stated that moments before the landing were “the worst sickening, pit-of-your-stomach, falling-through-the-floor feeling” that he had ever experienced. Sully was reliving the event over and over and over. His blood pressure and pulse, which were normally low, remained high for the next ten weeks even with medication. It took him months to be able to sleep normally. He was not allowed to pilot a plane until he regained his sleeping pattern.

How did both cope in the aftermath of the media onslaught and the traumatic event that led to Sully’s physical struggles? They’ve been married for 35 years. Lorrie stated that “when things go rough in your marriage, it’s important to stay calm and centered. Everyone’s marriage is different, and no one should expect that it’s going to be easy and simple.” Their advice to married couples is to understand that not every problem is a ten and most problems are probably a two or three. They added, “Don’t fight every little thing. Don’t sweat every little thing. Don’t be irresponsible. Plan ahead.”

That’s what will keep our marriages last the distance. A forgiving heart. An unwavering commitment to each other. A Christ-centered relationship built on God’s promises. Don’t sweat and fight for every little thing.