Embarrassing Medical Jokes

 

By: James DC

 

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .
“My wife ‘ s going to have her baby in the cab.”
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’ s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – – –
and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco
*
2… At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anteriorchest wall. ‘ Big breaths, ‘ . . . I instructed. ‘
Yes, they used to be, ‘ . . . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
*
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘ massive internal fart. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
*
4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘ How long have you been bedridden? ‘ After a look of complete confusion she answered .. . .. ‘ Why, not for about
twenty years – when my husband was alive. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
*
5. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .”So how ‘s your breakfastthis morning? ” “It ‘s very good except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can ‘t seem to get used to the taste ,” Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ‘
KY Jelly. ‘
****
I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?”
He said, “No, why you ask me that? Is it cause I Chinese?”
“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer!”
********
A wise old man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise. Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

New Democratic Candidate for President

From left: Karla, Mae, Robert, John , Mary Jane & David.

(1) Robert, MJ, & David; (2) Combo bday celeb at CPRTV studio, Joe Mauricio & Robert Chavez. Thanks much to the most delizz cake given by Chie Rivas.