The $800 Shower Interruption

By: James DC

 

A woman was stepping out of the shower when the doorbell
rang. Her husband was getting ready to shower, so she quickly wrapped herself in a towel and answered the door.
It was Bob, the neighbor. Without skipping a beat, Bob said, “I’ll give you $800 to drop the towel.”
After a moment of thought, the woman decided $800 was worth it. She dropped the towel, collected the cash, and closed the door.
When she returned upstairs, her husband asked, “Who was at the door?”
“It was Bob,” she replied.
“Oh great! Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
**Moral of the story:**
Always get all the details before making a decision—or you might end up exposed!
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8 Hairs
“An old man has 8 hairs on his head. He went to the barber shop. The barber in anger asked: shall I cut or count? The old man smiled and said: “Colour them”.
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A Fairy
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to women.
She turned him into a credit card.
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Dirty Window
A woman noticed her neighbor’s laundry hanging on the line and said, “Her laundry isn’t very clean; she must not know how to wash properly.”
Her husband looked on but said nothing.
The next morning, the woman glanced out the window and saw perfectly clean laundry on her neighbor’s line. Surprised, she remarked, “She finally learned how to wash! I wonder who taught her.”
Her husband replied, “Actually, I cleaned our windows.”
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A Facelift
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ’About 32,’ is the reply.’ ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ With a big smile, the woman replies, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’ Now she’s feeling really good about herself.
She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning
question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’ He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay…..How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.