Finding Me: A Birthday Reflection on Change

By: Melody Rabor-Dizon

 

As I celebrate another year of life, I find myself reflecting on the journey that has brought me to this moment. Each birthday serves as a reminder of the changes I’ve embraced, the challenges I’ve overcome, and the growth I’ve experienced. This year, as I navigate both my personal and professional paths, I feel a renewed sense of purpose and clarity. In quiet moments of introspection, I recognize the strength that comes from vulnerability and the beauty of self-discovery. Embracing change has not always been easy, but it has shaped me into the person I am today, allowing me to appreciate the richness of life’s experiences.
I am about to tell you a beautiful growth, fulfillment, and success story.
I always think back on my birthdays—not just about celebrating another year, but about my growth. This year, as I take a moment to reflect, I can really see how my life has changed dramatically—all because I understood the transformation. If someone told me that I’d be where I am now, I’d assume they were lying. Without a doubt, this is not the case. I underestimated the power of a sincere prayer. He made me so uncomfortable where I was because I was so comfortable. So I got uncomfortable with the comfortable life I was living. If there is anything this life has to give, it’s growth, learning, discovering new things every day, not giving up, and being fully aware of your surroundings. All the years of mundane daily responsibilities weighed heavily on me, forcing me to take a break and retreat.
After years of running a home health business, one day I finally decided to pack up my things and sold my share. For me, that place represented a state of stagnation. I got where I was going but not where I needed to go. What I knew about myself was that I lived my life with passion and heart. That is what I want to do. I do not want to just stay in one place and not move. COMFORTABLE—That killed me, but just like any of you, I succumbed to that earlier in my life. Why? Responsibilities: raising a family, providing a home, education, and putting food on the table. I am the breadwinner of the family, and for so long I swallowed, shrugged, and swept my dreams. Maybe when the kids got bigger, I could… And so that happened. I likened myself to the transformation of a beautiful butterfly, who started as a caterpillar going through its own transformation.
Caterpillar is this itchy little creature, moving along at its own pace, just doing its thing, eating what it needs, and getting ready for something big that it doesn’t quite get yet. That was me—going through the motions of life, responsibilities of raising 3 children, running the business, and sometimes feeling the pressure of competition in the ever-changing rules of Medicare and all the uncertainties that come with it. Just like any caterpillar, I had to believe that my hard work, commitment, and dedication would get me somewhere bigger down the line. But to where? I do not know. When? I don’t know either. The bigger question is: WHAT—all I know is that there is this burning passion that I need to quench or satisfy and find my way through it all. I wouldn’t be fulfilling my calling if I simply sat in my comfortable chair, watching the clock tick away. I didn’t want that.
Then came the cocoon—a period of significant change, even if it looked like nothing was happening on the outside. During this period, I grappled with challenging questions about my path, identity, and purpose. I found myself questioning the fundamental essence of my existence. During COVID-19, there was no support, resource, or thing to turn to as the world struggled to understand itself. I lost my mom. I grieved for my job; fake friends started falling off the train; my family played the pointing game while my dad was back home in the Philippines; and we lost our mom through that terrible time. I have got nowhere to go. I used all of my senses to understand why things happened the way they did. My brain could reason it out, but my heart, my inner me—I blamed myself. I could feel the heaviness of dark clouds around me, following me wherever I went. I threw in the towel. This was the time when there was no one else but to cry to Jesus. Every day, I sought His presence; every day I found Him, and He found me. I gave it all to Him. I unburdened myself with all that was happening and cried and cried some more and cried many, many more to my sleep. I lamented my whole heart to Him. There is a time for everything, I hear Him say. Hence, in my cocoon stage, I was so broken. I pulled myself out from the world, stayed quiet, and just minded my own thing while the dark place served as my sanctuary. It provided me with the necessary space to rest, lay down my sword, and confront my challenges. It was a place of hiding, a place of shelter, a place where you could just be—no one else, nothing else.
So, when the moment came, I didn’t recognize them right away; my wings were starting to form and take shape. I could feel my flaps and my wings. Strength, confidence, determination, and clarity came together. My focus was sharper than ever before. It came in ways I never saw coming. I wasn’t the same person who had gone into the cocoon anymore. When I finally came out, my wings felt a bit strange—it was new to me, almost delicate. As I laid them out, it hit me that they were my own wings, shaped by every challenge, every lesson learned, and every moment of bouncing back. My story is one of being reborn, refilled, restored, refueled, regained, and redeemed by my Savior.
Today, I’m flying—not just getting by but really soaring. I’ve gone a long way, and I’m excited about who I’m still becoming. There are still winds to navigate, new heights to reach, and unknown skies ahead, but my heart is fuller, my passion deeper, and my drive is stronger.
This is a beautiful story of perseverance, of giving yourself permission to sit it out, to absorb and process, and to let go, stay quiet, forgive yourself, and free yourself from any bondage you made. That beautiful story is my story.
Thank you all for allowing me to share. I shed many tears as I wrote this. I couldn’t have done this had I not sought HIM and really searched for HIM with the plans He has for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He has a plan for you, too. Love you all, Via Times’ readers.