An Unappreciated Winner

By: Lourdes G. Mon

 

More often than not, many successful Asian parents believe that their children should attain a professional career especially being a doctor, lawyer, nurse, teacher, accountant, engineer, etc. A vocational career is not good enough. Many Filipino doctors expect their children to follow in their footsteps. In my case, since I was in second grade, my dream was to be a teacher. In my young mind, the reason was, I wanted to be like my second grade teacher, whom I thought was nice and an excellent teacher. I can still remember her name was Mrs. Mortera. Through the years, that thought never left my mind. So, when my dad enrolled me at the University of the East, my mind was made up, to enroll in Education.

My dad had bigger ambitions for me because he wanted me to be able to come to the United States and in those days, there was no chance for a teacher to make it a reality. Somehow, I responded without much thought that I will make it to America as a teacher. True enough, in those days, only doctors and nurses were the only professionals, who readily had the chances of getting a job here in America. Anyway, the rest is history. Arriving at O’Hare National Airport in 1967, I looked up to the high heavens and muttered, “Dad, I made it to America.” My dad died when I was a college sophomore.

Here is an inspiring story with a sad ending. Mary (pseudonym), a 17-year-old girl loves to bake and said that it started as a way of dealing with stress. She grew to love experimenting with cake recipes and trying new techniques. Coincidentally, she has been working part-time at a café, and the chef there let her help out in the kitchen during quiet shifts, teaching her some techniques on baking. She must have been a fast learner that the chef suggested that she enter a small local cooking contest. She loved the suggestion and entered the cake competition. She didn’t think nor expected much about it, and to her surprise, she ended up winning second place. Figuratively speaking, this was the perfect “icing on the cake,” a secret passion she was nurturing.

Why was the above scenario such a big deal? Well, for one thing, no one in her family knew about it. She didn’t tell her mother, because she feared her mom wouldn’t take it seriously. “My mother always said things like ‘Cooking is just a life skill, not a career,’ and I didn’t want to deal with the lectures. I figured I’d tell her eventually, but I wasn’t in a rush.” To her surprise, at her school’s parent-teacher conference, Mary’s home economics teacher mentioned her second-place finish in the competition. She said her teacher, “thought my mom already knew, so she mentioned how impressive it was that I’d placed in the contest. My mom didn’t say much at the time, but the moment we got in the car, she exploded. She said I was wasting my time on ‘hobbies’ when I should have been focused on school and accused me of deliberately keeping it from her to embarrass her. She also said, I’d made her look bad in front of my teacher for ‘acting like this was an achievement.’ ”

Mary always felt that she was seen as a ‘disappointment’ in her family. “My mom is a neurosurgeon, and she’s constantly comparing me to my cousins, who are all excelling academically. I’ve never been great at school—my grades are average, and I struggle with math and science—so I’ve always felt like I can’t measure up to her expectations. She’s always said things like ‘Cooking is just a life skill, not a career,’ and I didn’t want to deal with the lectures. I figured I’d tell her eventually, but I wasn’t in a rush.“

Now, Mary’s entire family is upset. “My aunts and uncles are saying I should’ve told my mom so she could ‘prepare’ and that I shouldn’t have entered the contest in the first place. My dad, who usually stays out of things, said I owe my mom an apology for stressing her out and suggested I quit the café to focus on my grades.”

How about the stress the entire family put on Mary? Her dad should have been the peace-maker, instead of taking her mother’s side. This was a sad ending to a beautiful story.