Rest in Peace

By: James DC

 

Anew business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: “Rest in Peace.”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake
and how angry he was, the florist replied:
“Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this – somewhere, there is a
funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: ‘Congratulations on your new location!’”
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ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida, an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged
his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”
The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying,
“Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.
The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays…”
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant.”
The lawyer said,” Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”
The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fool’s Day. Psalm 14:1 states,
‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no
God, then he is a fool.
Therefore, April 1st is his day.  Court is adjourned…” You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
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Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says ‘If you behave
like this, you will lose ALL your friends.’
*
Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,’send me a brother’…. Santa wrote back, ‘SEND ME YOUR MOTHER’….
*
Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!’ Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’
*
Importance of a period
Teacher: ‘Do you know the importance of a period?’ Kid: ‘Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.’
*
Confident vs. Confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, ‘What is the difference between confident and confidential? ‘ Dad says, ‘You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential! ‘
*
Anger management?
Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?’
Wife: ‘I clean the toilet.’
Husband: ‘How does that help?’
Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush .’

James DC, Robert Chavez, Sherman Sager