True to Life Lessons **Hurt People ** Hurt People** **Healed People **Healed People**

By: Nancy Abiera

 

When a person causes pain to someone, it is because of feeling deeply wounded from within. The excruciating pain can bleed to death yet remain hidden. One needs help and healing, yet they receive judgment.This is the message loudly being communicated, but only few people care to listen. Nancy H. Abiera

I was cleaning the house one morning. While mopping, I asked the Lord to cleanse my mind from toxic thoughts while drinking a cup of warm lemon water detoxing my body. I am not a morning person so it takes an hour or so to get myself primed for the day. Suddenly, I remembered the song by the Carpenters, “We go on hurting each other, making each other cry, hurting each other without ever knowing why. . . .”

I would guess many could relate to this song including myself. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I am in this calling as a life coach and minister. This way, I can help myself stop hurting and be healed. Then, I can become a vessel for healing others who are still hurting. Allow me to share some the things I learned along my journey.

We can choose to be a positive D.U.D.E.
D Deipotent, having a god-like power
U Unique, one of a kind.
D Different, yet special.
E Encouraging bringing sunshine versus rain.
On the contrary, we can choose to avoid being a negative D.U.D.E.
D Double-minded, dancing to the tune of “Hokey Pokey”.
U Unbelieving, expecting miseries rather than miracles.
D Discouraged, depressed whom everybody avoids.
E Envious, bitter (taste like one) and sweat (not sweet but smelling
like one).
Acknowledge we all have varying T.E.M.P.E.R.S.
T Temperaments or personality characteristics
E Experiences
M Mindsets
P Perceptions
E Expectations
R Responses
S Styles or Preference of Choice

Always choose positive +T.E.M.P.E.R.S. and trash the negatives.

Let us imagine we are on a journey. . .

Picture yourself as a means of transportation going to downtown Chicago. We all have a place of destination but each one of us are starting from different areas. Starting points can be Manila, San Francisco, New York, Skokie, Rockford, Millennium Park, Navy Pier, etc. Some may take the plane, drive by car, get into a train, take a bus or a cab, bike, jog, walk, or hitchhike. We are all on a journey coming from different directions and various points of origin aiming for the same destination. Each person has a unique way of approaching a situation. All have eyes seeing from different perspectives. Everybody can be right.

Sometimes, our uniqueness and differences may lead us to conflicts due to the above T.E.M.P.E.R.S. Many people look at conflict very negatively and avoid it at all cost. However, we can change our perception by seeing conflict positively.

Conflicts can be a way to complete each other or compete with one another. We often hear the sayings “Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier.” We can work together to complete the task and not compete against each other. When we complete each other, we tend to compliment and encourage by building bridges rather than burn them.

When we are in a competition mode, we criticize bringing judgment leading to J.I.N.X. harming our relationships.

J Jealousy,
I Insecurity,
N Negativity
X. Xeransis means drying up

This results in more hurts. We act selfishly bringing misery, isolation and loneliness to ourselves and to others. Selfishness is about “I, me and myself”. It is all about one person only. It is narcissistic, self-absorbed and sickening. My friend from London texted me:

“When ‘I’ is replaced by ‘We’, even ‘I-llness’ becomes ‘We-llness’

I texted her back: ” Amen! To be a healthy Saint…’Be St-ill and not ill'”. “Be still, and know that I am God. . . ” Psalms 46:10a

We live in a very busy, sick, self-centered hurting world especially with the increase in social media, new technology, etc. Most people do not even have the time to think, nor communicate effectively. Some are in a state of mindlessness as a way of life. Even in children, our present generation is flooded with ADD/ADHD victims that had increased tremendously compared to a decade ago. Some of our children do not even listen to us. They talk back instead. Some would rather have dogs or other pets than raising kids. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves. Do we listen to our children? Note that the word listen have the same letter spelled silent.

What helped me greatly is to instill in my mind the following: “. . . Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. . . ” James 1:19

You may respond: “It’s easier said than done.” I say, “Yes, say it anyway!”