Doctor and Patient

By: James DC

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news to tell you.
The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours!!! That’s terrible! What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday!
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NINE IMPORTANT HEALTH FACTS
#9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8- Life is sexually transmitted.
#7- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which onecan die.
#6- Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5: Give a person a fi sh and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2- In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 – Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
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MGA BATANG UMIIYAK DAHIL SA FB
Bata 1 : Uhu! Uhu! Uhu!
Sa FB profi le ni Mommy single daw sya, di alam ni Daddy. HUHUHU!
Bata 2: Ang mommy ko widow, hindi rin alam ni daddy, huhuhu!
Bata 3: Waah! Buti pa kayo. Yong mommy ko sabi virgin pa raw sya. Saan ako lumabas?
Ampon ako? Waahh!
__________
SA PAGDARASAL
Sa Mag-asawa: Pulang kandila para sa matibay na relasyon.
Sa Mag-syota: Pink na kandila para manatili ang relasyon.
Sa mga Single: Katol para hindi lamukin sa paghihintay.
__________
IF YOU MARRY….
If you marry the right person, everyday is Valentine’s Day.
Marry the wrong person, everyday is Martyr’s Day.
Marry a lazy person, everyday is Labour Day.
Marry a rich person, everyday is New Year’s Day.
Marry an immature person, everyday would seem like a Children’s Day.
Marry a cheater or a liar, everyday will become April Fool’s Day.
And if you don’t get married, everyday is Independence Day!
__________
2 SENIORS CONVERSING
No. 1 Senior: I’m 84 and my body is full of aches and pains.
No. 2 Senior: Well, I’m 85 and feel like a newborn baby.
No. 1 Senior: Really?
No. 2 Senior: Yep, no teeth, no hair and I just wet my pants.
__________
PASTOR
A pastor announced, “If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left.”
All the men in the church moved to left except one man.
The Pastor was happy that there was at least one strong man, and asked, “How come your wife can’t control you?”
The man quietly replied, “It’s because my wife told me not to move.”
__________
SWIMMER
Lalangoy sana ako sa pool, kaso ang nakalagay ay 6 feet, Eh, dalawa lang ang paa ko.
__________
LASING
Lasing 1: Pare, syota ko noon ang nanay mo.
Lasing 2: (Tahimik lang)
Lasing 1: Pre, nakikinig ka ba sa akin? Sabi ko syota ko noon ang nanay mo.
Lasing 2: Tama na Tay, lasing na kayo!