Voyeurism and Depression

By: Margarita Holmes

 

Dear Dr Holmes:

IS there a connection between voyeurism and depression and anxiety?

My husband Fritz claims he has severe anxiety and depression. But he only opened up to me about this because I saw many pictures of my sister on his cell phone. He put a camera in our CR while my sister was taking a bath. I also found out that this is not the fi rst time he’s done it.

But he has admitted it only now because I caught him, with these pictures on his cell phone. My feeling is the anxiety and depression he says he feels is merely an excuse so that I start to pity him.

I already had a feeling that he liked my sister a long time ago. I am so confused. We have a daughter. I am afraid he will do this to our daughter when she is older.

He tried to commit suicide twice. The first time was via overdose. His mother told me that was because we were about to separate.

The second time was when he slashed his wrist. They went to a hospital and saw a psychiatrist who they said had said that I was the triggering factor for whatever mental disorder he had. Because they all observed that he loves me so much. That is why he cannot bear that I leave him.

I never felt that he may have mental problems before. All I know now is that he is a sex maniac. Please help me. Is his voyeurism a matter of choice? Thank you very much – Alyssa

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Dear Alyssa:

Thank you very much for our letter.

Yes, with voyeurism it is very possible (though not guaranteed) that there is a connection between anxiety and/or depression.

But many other people suffer from as much, or even more, anxiety and/or depression and yet do not turn out to be voyeurs.

True, he attempted suicide twice, misrepresenting his psychiatrist (either that or said psychiatrist needs to be banned from his profession) as saying it is, in effect, your fault, because, were he not so in love with you, he would want to live even if you left him. Once more, he has not taken responsibility for his actions. Instead, he conveniently comes up with reasons that show him as the victim, rather than the perpetrator.

Being a horrible husband to you does not necessarily make Fritz a terrible father. In fact, you yourself have said he is a good father. True, it is better to err in the side of caution. However, it seems nothing he has done has triggered any warning bells. Thus, if you see no real reason for your fears—as opposed to merely being told you HAVE to be careful of someone mentally unstable—then perhaps they could continue seeing each other.

However, my reading is that Fritz is not mentally unstable in the sense that you must excuse his behavior because he has no control over it. He does have control, however he has gotten away with not having to suffer the consequences of his behavior, so he keeps on making excuses for his actions. The problem however is that, if he refuses to see his role in all this, it will be unlikely that he will change. Why should he? His problem is everyone else’s fault.

All the best

—MG Holmes Margarita Holmes, Ph. D. graduated with an AB Psychology degree (magna cum laude) and was awarded the Most Outstanding Graduate for 1972 by the UP Alumni Association. Dr Holmes took her MPH at the University of Hawaii and her Ph.D. at the Ateneo de Manila University, and is interviewed by the BBC, CNN and AL Jazeera to explain world events in the Phil and abroad. She has been a professor of psychology at the graduate and undergraduate level both here and abroad and has written 18 books, all bestsellers.

Dr Holmes is a pioneer in writing the fi rst books in Filipino sexuality and in clinical depression, hosting the fi rst show focused solely on psychological issues called No Nonsense with Dr Holmes and introducing courses at the UP Graduate school in neuroscience and spirituality. But what distinguishes her from other academics is her ability to straddle both the scientifi c and everyday concerns both populations deem important.